"For that Moment"

A fork, oh man where the hell is a fork? All I need is a damn fork so I can get back to her and eat my damn mac n’ cheese! I have been waiting all day for night to come. Ten o’clock- the flood gates open and there’s a sea of hungry college kids. Getting a “Late Night” meal just makes me sleep better during the week. What better way to wash away the stresses of class and homework with one of a hundred different forms of fried food. Now, if only I could eat-
“Chuck?” I looked behind me. Just a dining hall full of college kids stuffing their faces and grumbling about their days. Nothing different, I must be losing my mind. Okay focus, I’ve got to get back to Jess before she gets impatient.
“Chuck Call?” I heard again.
Alright, I must be losing my mind. Looking again, my eyes landed on a table of gazing girls. They all stared back at me, mouths reaching for the table. I didn’t get it, what was-
“Chuck Call, how nice to see you! I remember you mentioning that you were going to school here,” she said in such a familiar voice. No wonder I didn’t recognize her right away. She was a farm raised, blonde haired girl the last time I saw her. But now, here sat a woman whose hair was black as the night sky. I tried, but only on a third look did I realize who she was. She was the kind of girl not afraid to get dirty, living for her early years beside livestock and mud. This was a girl whose smile would cripple you, and whose accuracy with a .22 caliber riffle made you think twice about crossing her the wrong way. Her mind was sharp, and her body strong from the years of labor. But one thing made me remember, her piercing royal blue eyes that cut into me. I was paralyzed.
“Oh, my,” I stuttered along, unaware of where I even was anymore. “Rachael, how, um, nice to see you heeere,” ah, my voice cracked. I had not set eyes on this girl for nearly two years. What was she doing here? I’m in college, hours away from our tiny home town down state. I had run away, as fast as I could, from the life I used to live. I never expected all of my past to pour back so suddenly, and yet, here she-
“Well, I’m up visiting some friends and popped in here to get some chicken wings and have some fun at college.”
“Oh, cool, cool,” god I sound stupid. Of course that’s why she’s here, just eating chicken wings. Half the kids in this place are stuffing their faces trying to reduce the effect of their hangovers in the morning. It is after all, midnight on Friday in my cozy little college town, so why is she-
“How has everything been going? It’s really been awhile since I’ve seen you,” she broke into my thoughts. Coming from any other person it seems the answers would have just flowed out. Okay, relax; just tell her you’ve been good, studying hard so I don’t get kicked out of this place. Tell her about your new girlfriend, how you been living it up at college. Okay, now say it. Forget about the late nights you spent together, the night you drove your father’s old beat up Chevy into the woods to a secluded spot and parked for hours. Forget that that night had no conversation, because there was no breath for any words to be spoken. Tell her you’re good, grades are up and it’s good to see her. Ask her how her little sister is doing, the one that made you laugh so hard, and about her mom that made those delicious cookies.
“Well, everything has been good I guess.” You guess? How could I be freezing up like this and why are my knees shaking so much? Stop! Stop thinking of the day you met, in that dimly lit basement with all of your friends. You knew it, you knew she was great and everyone saw on your face how you felt. Even your relationship with another didn’t stop you. No, stop thinking about all those phone calls, and the way they suddenly stopped when you realized loyalties were being questioned.
“That’s good,” she continued. “I was just talking with my girlfriends here about how great a school this is.”
“Yea,” I hesitated. “It’s a great place to be.” I kept tripping over my words. I could feel sweat on my back, if only she knew how I was choking up.
“Are you okay?” she asked. Why? Don’t I seem okay? I’m not thinking of the day you called me, six months removed from our sudden silence. I’m not thinking of how you saved me from a time of distress, even if you never knew how. I’m not thinking about how you turned tears into hope and laughter. No, I’m not thinking of our summer love, when I fell so deeply for you. I’m not thinking of the little kids who discovered us laying on a beach together, to their parents’ obvious disapproval. I am not thinking of that same night when we locked ourselves in your mother’s van and in the morning discovered her disapproval as well. No dear Rachael, I am not thinking of the summer heat filling my tiny bedroom when we lay in my bed, and you became my first.
“Yea, yea, I’m fine,” I was clearly trying to convince myself, too. This girl never knew the feelings I had, the fake I love you on her back stoop just to here it back. What she never realized was the time it took me to finally forget those words. “Listen, I’m really sorry, but I have someone waiting for me and I need to go. Have fun while you’re here.”
“Oh, okay, you, you, too,” she stammered back, surprised. I could barely hear her words I was gone so quick. How could I be such a fool? I walked across the dining hall, back to Jess, back to my safe place. All along the way I tried to repress the feeling of that day when we drove to her house in silence, when I knew something was wrong. I wasn’t thinking at all about the night we sat on the phone, my eyes welled in tears because she said good bye.
“Who was that?” Jess asked me when I reached her.
“No one, just a girl in one of my classes,” I told her, nervousness under my words. “Here, I got you a fork.”